Narcissistic Barbie Ditches Codependent Ken
In a Heartless Media World, Where Only Cynics are Considered Wise...
The fact these stereotypes could be swapped in the Barbie Movie and remain so apparent—in what primarily is a kid’s story—demonstrates just how ubiquitous and interchangeable the stereotypes of narcissism & codependency have become.
Narcissism and Codependency are Stereotypes
The recent Barbie Movie was an almost perfect example of my long-standing contention that narcissism and codependency are not rigid mental disorders but instead are stereotypes that can apply to both women and men.
Ken, most obviously, is starkly codependent in a narcissistic ‘utopia’ for women. Barbie Land and ‘reality’ reversed images of each other. He only feels he exists when Barbie smiles at him, while Barbie is wholly focused on herself and clearly considers herself above him.
The audience is informed that Barbie—apparently—is due credit for championing women’s liberation in modern history. [More on the artificially constructed truth behind this surprising idea in our upcoming new book]. The fact these stereotypes could be swapped in the Barbie Movie and remain so apparent—in what primarily is a kid’s story—demonstrates just how ubiquitous and interchangeable the stereotypes of narcissism and codependency have become.
This might come as a surprise, but narcissists don’t always hog the spotlight or big-note themselves. More commonly, they are aloof and condescending. They might be show-offs sometimes but generally should be recognised for their habit of withholding their love and acknowledgement of others. Energetically, they are hoarders of love more than they are showmen.
They are not the type who calls too often but the one who fails to call you back.
The symptoms of Narcissistic Personality Disorder describe a person who lacks empathy while using lies, manipulation and aggression to gain an advantage over others. Like Barbie, these people may appear humble, charming, and attractive but are also self-serving and lacking in empathy.
Barbie does not lack social graces or humility but clearly considers herself better than Ken and cares nothing about his feelings.
Narcissists are Good at Making their Target Look Stupid
Since Ryan Gosling (the actor playing Ken) is a Hollywood heartthrob, the audience sees Barbie’s behaviour as cool and funny. Narcissists are good at making their target look stupid and their own arrogant and dismissive behaviour humorous. Yet, in reality, remaining aloof and putting down people who are close to you—like Barbie treats Ken—is always incredibly hurtful.
In this movie, Barbie may not appear a manipulative liar, but let’s look closer.
While not in love with Ken, she is happy to lead him on, lacking enough respect for him to be honest about her feelings. She also resists being honest with her friends about her doubts and angst. Not until she is cornered by Weird Barbie and threatened with her perfect world falling apart will she consider any action towards helping herself (or the world) or even reflecting on how she might be part of the problem.
She does not want to change (grow) she keeps insisting. She wants everything to stay the same. While her decision to become real towards the end of the movie is heartening (getting real is precisely what narcissists need to do), this whole idea still comes across as kind of weird and disturbing when the reality is that Barbie is a doll whose boyfriend is Ken. How she will rise above him and become human is mostly left to the audience’s imagination.
Women Giving Men a Dose of Their Narcissistic Behaviour
Women giving men a dose of their narcissistic behaviour, as presented in the Barbie movie, might be humorous and even feel like justice. Still, assuredly, this will not solve the world’s romantic problems.
Imitating men’s bad behaviour to teach them a lesson becomes tempting for most women at some point in their lives. Although fun and appealing for women—and explaining much of the Barbie Movie’s huge success—the idea of using dolls as role models to train multiple generations of women to turn the tables on men is also utterly dystopian.
Without positive role models for men in our society, giving men a taste of their own medicine is likely to only reinforce the bad behaviour.
Many men already flip from one role to the other once their first marriage fails. The result is that many men who—out of guilt—flip from being a narcissist in their first marriage to a codependent in their second—tragically—end up failing more than one family of children.
In a world today where only cynics are considered wise, we are sold the idea that love is only for suckers. With its wonderfully clear representation of narcissism and codependency, the Barbie Movie could, so easily, have been a love story with a happy ending, with Ken and Barbie demonstrating a healthy resolution to their stereotypical differences. The writers instead chose that Barbie should publicly reject Ken and seek her future in a world far above and beyond him, with the clear moral implication being that young girls should not consider love and marriage healthy goals.
With women today so openly encouraged into the narcissistic role, men should get smart in addressing the problems in their personal relationships with women and not assume they will maintain the upper hand. Narcissistic Barbie now being put forward as something akin to a new female James Bond.
Spoiler Alert: Codependents Aren’t the Only Victims
Yet neither role is safe for either player or anyone around them. Just as all narcissists will eventually have a breakdown caused by an identity crisis, all codependents will eventually snap. Just like Ken snapped in the Barbie movie in hurt anger at Barbie’s detached narcissistic superior attitude towards him and led a coup to take over Barbie Land.
In true American fashion, the Barbies win back their lost status by deliberately provoking a war between the Kens in order to rig an election.
Besides these types of emotionally manipulative games that narcissists play, siding people against each other, codependents also play dangerous relationship games, even dangerously flirting with sickness and suicide. Like the Barbie Land ambulance coming for Ken after he deliberately smashes himself into a plastic wavescape to get Barbie’s attention.
Codependents, whether male or female, all snap eventually, just as narcissism always leads to the type of breakdown we see Barbie suffer when she finds herself literally face down in the street, not too far from the gutter.
- Did women really want to dedicate their lives to promoting an exalted image of themselves through fashion while also pursuing careers as doctors, lawyers and presidents? More on the truth behind Barbie’s links with feminism in our upcoming book.
- Are you in a Narcissistic/Codependent Marriage? Don’t give up hope! Visit our website and learn the signs. TheNCMarriage.com
Interesting article. I'm not sure about a stereo-type. That introduces a whole new idea to it although maybe the fact that we all have narcissistic tendencies could indicate more of stereo-type than a disorder. Narcissists are not aware of their own pain or the pain they inflict on others as you know for well; the down side is that many of their behaviours get them what they want and need. They are incredibly immature people with childish undeveloped needs and often it is a comorbid disorder with PTSD and/or development trauma being quite prevalent as well. Society has recently been traumatized at a societal level and that adds to the chaos we now see in society. Its getting very difficult out there and emotional intelligence and empathy are getting further disconnected when people are traumatized on multiple levels. The mistrust is horrendous and the anxiety of juggling this for many, has become distressing. My observation and opinion.
i love this post!! i have been following Kim and Steve’s lessons and writings for years, and here Kim nails it again with another fascinating take on a cultural phenomenon and how it relates to our relational health. i love her work. when i come back to it, i always find something new for my growth that relates to circumstances i’m experiencing in life. you’ve done it again, Kim!! thanks for helping us all to up level ourselves and our families, and thanks for helping to raise us all into mature, filled with peace and joy, emotionally healthy, loving people.