Why Are Narcissistic Men So Selfish & Cruel?

Our Love Story Continues

In the Beginning

After ten years of married life fighting, I was eventually directed to information that led me to suspect that my husband Steve was suffering from Narcissistic Personality Disorder—sometimes known as Narcissism or NPD.

At that time, the professionals I turned to told me outright that there was no hope. They treated me like an idiot for believing our marriage could improve or that Steve might get better. Their only advice was to change the locks and file for divorce.

Steve’s behaviour was hurting me, but I refused to abandon him and give up on our marriage. My conscience knew that leaving him was the wrong thing for me to do. I still loved him, and in my heart, I knew there just had to be answers, and I looked for all the help I could find.

When none of this helped, I started looking beyond traditional marriage counselling advice to other areas of people management; this led me to study corporate leadership training and parenting skills, two big areas of expertise whose experts couldn’t pretend the answer was to just cut people out of your life.

This is where, at last, I put together the steps that brought peace to our home.

People were still saying I was stupid not to leave. But I became even more determined than ever, that just maybe there was a way I could bring peace to our home.

I’m not saying the fighting was all Steve’s fault. Back then, I was focused on him being the problem, but I was about to come face to face with my role in our fighting.

That role is called codependency, which explains why some people are repeatedly attracted to people with a narcissistic view of life.

Narcissism and codependency are sometimes called ’a dance’ of destruction and despair.

• Have you had more than one troubled relationship?

• Has attracting lasting love been a painful journey?

• Do you often feel emotionally neglected and in despair?

Our books share how I eventually healed my codependency and how this changed everything for me and also helped Steve.

If you are ready to take the lead in creating a more peaceful home life, please sign up for my free introductory lesson at the NC Marriage. This lesson includes a free short movie where I discuss the three things you must stop doing immediately. Things you probably do every day!

Cut the Sales Pitch and Get to the Point. Kim! Why Are Narcissistic Men So Selfish and Cruel?

After dealing with the worst of our marriage problems with the strategies I share in Back From the Looking Glass - the question of why drove me on a continued search for an answer for almost 15 years.

It even led me to study history and religion. With many of my readers being Christian - the things I was uncovering about religion, trying to answer the question of why men had lost their protective instincts towards their wives, was putting me in an uncomfortable place with my audience.

Finally, I took a long break to embark on my study in earnest and eventually came to learn from one of the most renowned archeologists and biblical scholars in the world today.

The story he had uncovered in his life’s work, showing that biblical history was essentially political propaganda, was shocking but answered many of the questions I had struggled with for years.

Far from fringe or conspiracy, his findings are supported by many of the world’s leading Biblical scholars.

Surprisingly, even though Steve had never gone to church growing up, the bad programming from one of these biblical stories affected his family worse than it did mine.

But this left me with an even bigger problem.

What mainstream scholars have uncovered as the truth behind the stories of the Old Testament was so controversial and shocking that most people outside academia have not heard anything about it.

These scholars present their work in lectures and books but do not seek a public audience. The most famous archeologist does not even have an email address and can only be contacted by mail.

If these men don’t dare to face the storm their findings will cause, how could I present the truth with no academic qualifications in this area? And although this deeper understanding has caused a profound and positive shift in our lives (yes, there is gold amidst the controversy), how long and complicated should I make a story for couples that need urgent help?

The answer I have settled on is to keep working on our new book–which uncovers this truth–while also working on a new series of audio recordings.

After years of hearing women request that I talk to their husbands - I am recording a series of introspectives where I will do just that. These recordings are not academic or controversial but will guide the listener through the experience of maturing beyond unhealthy narcissism to break free from its hold on your life.

A character-building archetypal journey that contains a blueprint for better navigating your emotional psyche. Unlike traversing negative or unpleasant emotions on your own, these can be addressed and resolved by the mechanism of storytelling. When the recording is finished, these emotions will have been resolved, and you will be ready to resume your day.

I will also be producing one soon for maturing beyond codependency.

Producing these has required me to do enormous training in various areas, such as hypnosis, vocal production and storytelling. I love this work and look forward to sharing it.

But Kim, you Are Avoiding Answering the Question - Why Are Narcissistic Men so Selfish and Cruel?

Men’s Eve Complex

Our work with families in crisis has given us great insight into human nature. In the first recorded story of domestic violence and family dysfunction, we suggest that Eve was made the scapegoat for the fall of humanity. Scapegoating women in this way has been typical throughout history—men often blame their failings on their wives, and many of us blame our insecurities (or fallen state?) on our mothers. Ancient stories have created conflict and discord in our families throughout written history.

Please do not cry blasphemy until you have heard our theory in context.

Quoting from our new book that hopefully will be finished soon:

“Most biblical scholars agree that different authors wrote the two creation stories told in Genesis at varying times in history, contradicting each other on key issues. The first is a six-day creation account that sees men and women created simultaneously. The second is a one-day creation account where God makes woman as an afterthought. God’s name in each version is different.”

https://www.bibleodyssey.org/en/passages/related-articles/two- creations-in-genesis

Wikipedia’s page on the Genesis creation narrative mentions other significant differences. The first story presents God as an omnipotent force that creates a god-like humanity. The second sees God as a walking, talking man who can succeed or fail, a man who makes humanity that is not god-like and punishes us for acts that might lead us to become god-like.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Genesis_creation_narrative

The elegant combination of these two stories is much like the start of a modern movie. Big cosmic creation scenes on a grand scale, where you can almost imagine the orchestral score, high-end cinematography and computer graphics. Cutting down to a flimsy set with character actors reciting their lines once the movie begins.

But I must stop here and ask, “Do you believe in an omnipotent God, or a walking, talking God of favouritism and punishment who can succeed or fail? A God who created us in His divine image, or a God who punished us for acts that would lead us to become god-like?”

Shouldn’t we attempt to discover who wrote and combined these two creation narratives? And see if we can figure out the reason. Especially as these stories clearly describe different religions and different gods.

Our new book will present who wrote and combined these narratives and why.

For now, I will say that blaming mothers has become so prevalent that mothers’ guilt has become a form of unwritten subconscious folklore that every person needing a scapegoat can tap into.

Marketers, too (exposed in our series on Who Murdered Love), act as groomers, turning us against mothers. This is the subject of the next chapter in the Who Murdered Love series that I will try to get published this week.

Long before corporations existed, similar marketing strategies (tapping into our fears and longing to be loved) dealt with myths, legends, and fairy tales. Like advertising, these stories have been shared to breed loyalty towards institutions of power and deliberately manipulate our behaviour.

As Steve writes, “Our entire human history appears to be one long, complicated manipulation of labour.”

Yet far from being a danger, the spirit of motherhood may, in fact, be the answer. According to Arthur Janov, The author of the best-selling book ever on popular psychology: The Primal Scream, calling out to our mother in genuine need has been proven a most effective form of emotional healing.*

There is so much to share and so little time. Thanks if you can support our work by becoming a paid subscriber. Our time is valuable these days, with more creative work in progress than you could probably imagine and real support needed to help us deliver.

No matter how controversial the answers I have uncovered regarding religion might be, they have turned our lives into an island in heaven when it once was an island in hell.

The Near Future

What do you want me to serve up next? Who Murdered Love Part 3, where I talk about mothers being targets of corporate groomers; The pilot of Maturing Beyond Narcissism (An Audio Introspective); or *my Prayer to Our Heavenly Mother (a New Rosary) that overnight a few months ago almost wholly transformed my life.